You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
