I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
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