My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
