I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
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I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
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him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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