She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
