Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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