There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
