I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
