oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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