you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
