Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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