I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
