The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I could fuck to npr.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
