Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
