it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
