I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
