the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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