So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
