five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
