I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize