Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
