The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
