Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
