I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
