I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We are all done wearing pants today
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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