i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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