The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
