thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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