I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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