I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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