Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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