Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
