Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
