I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
