Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
