So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
