Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
