kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize