im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
