I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
