fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
