Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
