we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
