shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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