i was rollin on her like bob the builder
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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