Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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