Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
