it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Sorry my hands just texted you
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
