1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
