I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
