Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
