So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
