stop calling my apartment porn island.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
