kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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