it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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