I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
