my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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