So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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