i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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