He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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