I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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