I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
