I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
