i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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