I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
