dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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