I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize