I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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