Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
